I cockslap morals
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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