Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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