I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
