Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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