Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
