haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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