I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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