i really wish james franco would like my vagina
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
