Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
