so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
