how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
