'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
