and you said cock pushups were impossible
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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