i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
