I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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