the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
