so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
