I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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