Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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