Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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