I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
