I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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