I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
