Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
