GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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