did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
