Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
