Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
