only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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