I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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