that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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