just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
