I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
