your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
