I intend to get homeless drunk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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