Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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