I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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