HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you never un-have a 4some
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
