I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
