Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
