Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
