You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
