I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found the puke drawer
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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