i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
