I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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