Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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