dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's get the cat blown out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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