My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
They have beer where we have blood.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
