You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
