We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
