I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
