I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
