You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
