if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
