He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
