Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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