oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fuck appropriateness.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
