I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
