honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
