Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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