Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
