why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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