glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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