do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
