Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
