so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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