the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
vagina is talking i cant
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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