This is not my ceiling
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
