i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
