So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
