I'm gonna have a badass scar
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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